Insect and slug guilt

Please hear my confessions that give me gardeners guilt tonight:

I moved a ladybird larvae from an aphid-free stem to a stem with a colony of aphids because I was worried it had no food. Ants appeared out of nowhere and smothered it. Tiny green dots appeared on it (I’m guessing this was ‘blood’ from ant bites). It struggled. It writhed. It then fell off the plant to the floor.

I chucked snails off my plants down to the empty corner of the garden. I heard one of their shells crack. I winced.

a fly landed on my hand. I flicked it off. I doubt it lived

I squashed aphid colonies between my fingers leaving a black gooey mess and some still-moving half-ants on my gardening gloves

I sprayed soap solution on a plant to stop aphids…the spiders whose webs I didn’t initially notice clearly also suffered

Who have I become?

Fellow gardens please feel free to also share your crimes tonight.